Dipping Into Sin 2: Digging Deeper Into Sin Page 10

  Smiling at her effort, Andriano looked down at her with a glint of adoration in his eyes. “Denver Omelet.”

  “How do you like it Mommy?” asked Olivia.

  “Mmmmm, it is very delicious Livy,” I responded.

  Olivia’s face bloomed with happiness, as she smiled proudly. “I got to crack the egg open.”

  “The girls practically did everything. We have a bunch of chefs on our hands,” he said as he looked at each of our daughters. “They’re truly amazing,” he boasted proudly.

  Dropping the fork down on my plate, I looked up at Andriano who leaned against my dresser casually. “Girls did you make your beds?” I asked.

  “No Mommy,” each one said.

  “You know the routine. Make your bed, brush your teeth, and wash your face.” I reminded each of them. “You all did a wonderful job. The omelet was amazing. How did Grandma like it?”

  “Grandma said that it was the best omelet in the world,” announced Jasmine.

  “I wish Nana was here to try it,” Olivia said as her head hung low. “Can we leave her some?”

  “Where is she?” asked Andriano, picking up on Olivia’s sudden mood change. My heart ached for my daughters who witnessed their great-grandmother in an unconscious position. I knew that eventually I would have to address the situation proactively before that trauma caused certain behaviors to develop. They were at this age where they understood enough.

  “Mommy said that she had to go away for a little while. I miss her,” said Olivia as Andriano kneeled down beside her.

  “Come,” he said as his hands stretched out towards her. Leaning her body into his burly arms, Andriano picked Olivia up and held her close before saying, “Whenever my nonna (grandmother) went away, I would get a box and add everything that she liked into it. The box would be filled with lots of candy, my drawing, letters, and the most important thing…pepperoni.”

  A corky smile formed against Olivia’s lips “Pepperoni?”

  “Yup, pepperoni,” Andriano confirmed. “Anytime I put the pepperoni inside of the box, she would smell it and rush right back home. Would you like to make a box for your Nana? We can add everything that she likes.”

  Olivia nodded her head with excitement as her gleaming eyes looked at Andriano.

  “Can I make one too, please?” Jasmine asked as she looked up at Olivia and Andriano.

  “Of course you can,” Andriano said strongly.

  “Maybe some other time. Mr. Balducci has to leave today,” I interjected. I couldn’t allow my daughters to get comfortable with the idea of Andriano being in their lives. Even though I did not know how to get him to leave, I still had hope that a plan would fall through.

  “Oh no, I don’t want him to leave Mommy. We have to make the box for Nana,” whined Jasmine.

  “I’m sure that he has to get back to his family,” I simply said as I stared at him.

  “I already am,” Andriano asserted as his challenging eyes bored into me.

  Shifting my gaze, I focused on my daughters. “Girls, go get ready for summer camp.”

  After each of them left my bedroom, I quickly put the tray to the side and shot up out of bed, only to halt all of my movements as my legs nearly buckled beneath me. Feeling the ache from making love to Andriano just hours before, I felt his sinewy arms enveloped my body in a soft caress that heated my body.

  “Andriano please,” I said helplessly as I attempted to swaddle his hands away. Ignoring me, Andriano swept me off of my feet and walked me over to the mattress. Dropping me down, he hovered over my ultra-sensitive body before moving away from me.

  “We need to talk,” he sat on the bed beside me.

  ~****~

  Andriano

  “I know that there are some things that we have to work through. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes, but just know that my intentions are clear,” I professed.

  A cynical snicker escaped her as she looked up at me, “We’re never getting back together, and you will never be a part of my children’s lives. You moved on with your life, and so have I. The man who I’m dating is making me happy. He’s not keeping me a secret or living a double life like you.”

  Shaking her head, Simone said, “You will never change. Even after all this time, you still want to be in control of everything. But let's get something straight, last night was a mistake. I’ve moved on with my life and met someone who deserves every part of me.”

  “You let another man touch what’s mine?” I asked, walking around the bedpost with intentions of showing her just how much she belonged to me.

  “What’s yours? Do you hear yourself? Who I sleep with or don’t sleep with is none of your business. All you need to know is that last night was a mistake that’ll never happen again,” she enunciated her last few words before smiling at me.

  Anger boiled my rage to a peak with no end, “Who is he?” I demanded to know.

  “Let’s get something straight, I’m not your temporary escape whenever you decide that you need a break from your life. Go home to your family and leave my family alone,” she spat out her frustration with her chest heaving in and out.

  The humming sound of her cell phone vibrating on the nightstand snapped us both out of our trance. Reaching for her cell phone, Simone quickly answered. Based on what little I could gather from her conversation, something was wrong.

  “Shit,” said Simone as she leaped out of the bed. Taking in her delectable body, my eyes fully roamed over each and every inch of her body. Embedding her curves into my memory, I watched as Simone quickly covered her body with a towel. Glancing in my direction, Simone’s scowling eyes looked over at me as if she knew that I was checking her out.

  “You need to leave,” she simply said as she shuffled through her drawers anxiously.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked as a shadow of overwhelming frustration masked her face.

  Shaking her head, Simone’s hand rested on her hip before saying, “Andriano, I really don’t have time to deal with all of this. I already have a lot on my plate, and I don’t need you adding to it.”

  Standing up, I walked over to her, ignoring her apprehensive hands reaching out to stop me. Leaning into her palms, I was determined to make sure that Simone did not avoid my question. “Why did you keep my daughters away from me?” I asked calmly.

  “Did I have a choice? Last time, I checked, ‘abortion’ was the first thing that came out of your mouth. Now you want to stand here and question my decision for keeping my daughters away from you. Let me keep it simple…you never wanted them,” Simone chided as she attempted to shove me away from her.

  Her eyes narrowed, becoming thin slits, as her attempts proved useless. Inching closer to her, I closed the distance between and spoke against her lips. “I don’t give a fuck what I told you. I deserved to know the truth. Instead, you kept our daughters a secret for the last five fucking years.”

  “The truth?” a sarcastic snicker escaped the depth of her throat fluently. “The truth is, you don’t deserve shit from me or my daughters. You don’t deserve them. The only good thing that came out of this fucked up relationship was my daughters and keeping them was the best decision that I could’ve made.” Her demureness caused her face to cringe with outrage.

  Feeling my face grow hot with anger, I attempted to remain level headed with Simone. Exasperation must’ve been etched all over my face, as Simone appeared to be uncomfortable by my lack of patience. “What makes you think that I can easily walk away from them?”

  “Because you ‘easily’ walked away from me,” she shot out as her hurtful eyes bored through me, finding my guilt hiding behind my hope. “You showed how much you cared when having an ‘abortion’ was the only answer that you gave me. The worst part of that whole ordeal was when you came to the clinic. For what? To make sure that I went through with it,” Unshed tears glossed her eyes, as I watched her struggle to keep them at bay. I’d rather give up all of my possession, get stabbed a thousand times, or walk throug
h fire than to experience the aching hurt that I feel.

  “That morning, Victoria showed me the invitation of you and your wife’s engagement party. Things started to make sense. The distance. The abortion. Everything.” Unable to hold back any longer, a single tear slid down her cheek, “And even as I had to deal with the humiliation and the hurt, I had to remain strong for my daughters. It’s a struggle that you’ll never know, but I survived. I worked my ass off to raise my daughters and finish school, all the while holding down a full-time job. Choosing to be a mother to my daughters meant that I had to give up my dream of being a doctor. Still, nursing school was a far cry from easy. My daughters didn’t need you back then, and they don’t need you now,” she finished as she wiped away the remnants of her tear and blew out an air of exasperation.

  “A nurse?” I asked unsure if I heard correctly. “But, I thought that you were working towards becoming a doc—” The words died as reality settled in at just how much Simone had to give up in order to raise our daughters. Images of what happened five years ago came into full swing, as my anger boiled over. She could have told me that day in the parking lot that she did not go through with it. But, she lied. She kept my daughters away from me. I missed the first five years of their lives. From their first cry to their first step, I missed all of it. As much as I wanted to blame Simone, I couldn’t. After all…I chose to let her go. I chose to honor my duty and uphold my destiny.

  Swallowing the hard lump in my throat, I couldn’t believe that I was a father to three girls. The different emotions that inundated me were unmanning. I could deal with anger, love, hurt, but I couldn’t deal with fear.

  “You didn’t deserve to be with the man that I was back then. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you. I just knew that I wanted you. There were countless nights that I would watch you sleep peacefully. All the while, it fucked me up inside because I knew that one day I had to walk away from you. When you told me that you were pregnant…” pausing, I had to compose my own transgressions that threatened to dominate this conversation. Blinking away the darkness that haunted me since that day, I continued, “An abortion was the only option in order to keep you safe from—” Stopping myself, I refused to go any further. The less that Simone knew about my life, the better.

  “Bella mia, I’m sorry for the man that I was back then,” I said after a moment of silence.

  “I don’t want your apology. I need for you to just stay away from us. My daughters don’t need to be confused,” she said, as her expressive eyes begged for me to abide by her wish.

  “And whose fault is that?” I nearly screamed as a seismic wave of rage tampered the air between us. “Our daughters deserve to know the truth about who I am.”

  “I know what’s best for my daughters,” she screamed while shoving her index finger into my chest. “I will do whatever I have to do to protect my daughters from you, even if that means moving away.”

  Blinking again, flashes of red hindered me from seeing clearly as I envisioned Simone and my daughters going into hiding. “Try and run and I’ll hunt you down,” I warned. “Try and keep my daughters away from me again and you’ll see another side of me that you never knew existed,” I finished.

  “Oh, you mean your murderous side?” she paused as if allowing the statement to have a profound moment of silence.

  Shrugging off the anger that rested on my back, I looked at Simone for the longest time before finally asking, “Do you really think that I would kill you?”

  After a moment of silence, Simone finally looked up at me and said, “There are so many things that I thought that you would never do. But when it is all said and done, nothing surprises me anymore.”

  Sighing, I backed away from Simone and allowed the expulsion of air to heave from my chest. I refused to insult Simone’s intelligence by lying to her. Yes, I killed the rat and yes I’m in the mob for life. But, what bothered me in this conversation was not even that she look at me like a murderous gangster. Rather, I was bothered that she thought that I could bring myself to harm her. Between my daughters and her, I would kill whoever, just to make sure that they could sleep at night peacefully. She was the one person in this world that had control over me. And for the first time in my life, I was fine with being controlled.

  “Simone,” I said after a moment of gathering my thoughts, “I’m capable of doing many things but bringing harm to you or my daughters is not one of them.”

  ~****~

  Simone

  “You should really come out with us tonight,” Shannon said as she stood in front of her locker door.

  Placing my lunch container into my duffle bag, I looked up and repeated my usual answer whenever I was invited to go out with some of my co-workers, “No, not tonight.”

  Sighing, Shannon replied drily, “Do you ever go out and just let loose? You’re always either working or taking care of your daughters. Self-care is important.”

  Out all of the nurses in my unit, I was closer to Shannon. Like me, Shannon was also a single mother. Although Shannon was more social and extroverted, she gravitated to me. Often, she tried to include me in social events that took place among the other two young nurses in our unit.

  Taking a seat on the bench, Shannon said, “I know how it feels to be wrapped up in your children to the point where you forget about yourself. But, you have to find time for yourself. At least once a month do something for you.” Pointing her index finger at me, Shannon stood up and lifted her bag off of the floor.

  “Mommies need to have fun too,” she said as she walked towards the front door. Opening the door, Shannon turned and looked back at me and said, “Text me if you decide that you want to come out with us.”

  Throwing the strap of my duffle bag over my shoulder, I couldn’t help but find truth in her statement. The only time that I went out was when Victoria came out here. But, even then, we try to incorporate the girls into most of the activities.

  Walking out of the hospital, I noticed Dr. Jackson hopping out of his car. Pretending to shuffle through my bag, I continued to walk to my car while I silently prayed to be invisible. Last week, he cornered me again on the elevator and continued to be flirtatious, even going as far as rubbing his hand down my arm. At this point, I’m contemplating on filing a report against him because this is getting to be out of control. At first, I thought that I would be able to manage his flirting by reinforcing the idea that I don’t want to date him. The last thing that I wanted to do was draw any unnecessary backlash to me because of my complaint. This is my first job as a nurse, after all. But, I shouldn’t have to compromise my integrity because of a check. Nor should I have to remain uncomfortable while at work.

  “Damn, if I had known that you were going to be working the earlier shift, I would’ve opted to come in earlier. Next time, I’ll just have to check your schedule before I schedule my rotation.”

  Choosing to ignore his comment, I continued to walk to my car with disgust written all over my face. Unlocking the car door, I felt his presence coming closer. Feeling his finger wrap around my elbow, I turned around and shoved Dr. Jackson away from me.

  “Don’t touch me,” I said through clenched teeth.

  “Whoa. Relax beautiful,” he began as held both of his hands up mid-

  air.

  Swinging the car door open, I tossed my bag into the car and turned to face Dr. Jackson again and said, “This is considered sexual harassment. I’ve asked you more than once to be appropriate and remain professional when you are addressing me. But, you insist on harassing me into going on a date with you. Enough is enough.”

  Walking closer to me, Dr. Jackson stood a few uncomfortable inches away from me. His eyes remained fixed on me as if he was trying to intimidate me with his stance. “Trust me,” he began. “You don’t want to head down that road with me. By the time I’m done with you, there would be no place in this state for you to work. You’ll crawl on your knees and beg for me to look twice at you. I might just let you suck on my—
”

  Clap!

  That was the thunderous sound that I heard the moment a tan colored fist landed right on the side of Dr. Jackson’s cheek. Tumbling to the side, Dr. Jackson’s body slammed across my car door before hitting the pavement with a loud thud. Turning to look over at the attacker, I saw Andriano’s eyes look briefly at me before transforming into a monster that I no longer recognized.

  “Andriano, please stop,” I shouted as fear overtook me.

  Standing over Dr. Jackson, Andriano continued to strike him in the face. The more Andriano’s fist became painted with Dr. Jackson’s blood, the more Dr. Jackson’s body became limp. The muffled pleas died against his lips as his once shaking legs became undeniably still.

  “Andriano, please! You’re going to kill him!” I pleaded. This only seemed to entice Andriano even further as his punches became more thorough. Afraid to touch him, I continued to repeat my pleas. His shoulders looked like mountains, and his fist looked like bulldozers as he tore through Dr. Jackson’s face.

  “Andriano, our daughter’s need you.”

  Dropping his balled up fist to his side, Andriano unraveled his fingers from the lethal weapon that it formed. Looking down at Dr. Jackson’s lifeless body, Andriano slammed his fist one last time into his distorted face before standing up. Turning around to face me, I backed up in fear.

  Grabbing my hand, Andriano practically dragged me to his car that was parked in a remote spot. Nearly ripping the passenger side door off of the car, Andriano gave me the look that warranted my compliance.

  ~****~

  Andriano

  This was the side of me that I did not want Simone to see. The fear in her eyes only angered me even more. I should’ve killed that motherfucker. Her facial expression the moment he started talking was an automatic switch as I welcomed my dark side. Catching only the last part of his statement, I knew that he was a dead man.

  “Give me your keys,” I said through gritted teeth. Trembling, Simone dropped the key in my blood soaked hand.

  As I walked closer to her car, the eagerness to finish what I started with this asshole was more important than my next breath. But, then images of my daughters stopped me from killing him. Instead, I walked over him and reached for Simone’s duffle bag. Locking the car door, I swung the strap over my shoulder and grabbed a hold of his legs. Sliding his body towards the entrance of the hospital, I abandoned him in an area where he would surely be seen.